Pot the Presses (long) (no AJ)

Kevin Farnham (kevin@organic.com)
Fri, 18 Aug 1995 20:38:48 -0700 (PDT)

The TOP 10 Magazines to roll pot on
by Tokyo Rosenfeld
From the pages of Grand Royal

Reprinted without permission ;)

As vinyl record albums became decreasingly part of our cultural ver-
nacular, we lost a little bit of ourselves in the process. The nostalgia
associated with records is fierce. I mean, who can't remember their
first record purchase? Mine was Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt
Cowboy. Records are tangible, tactile, substantive, real, unlike the
neat, nearly hygienic CD jewel box. You could hold albums with both hands
and look at the cover artwork for hours (even the White Album - wow, just
whiteness...intense). But the 12 1/4-inch-square, lustrous jackets also
served a more potent purpose. They provided the ideal surface on which to
clean and roll your pot. Flat, oversized, a bit glossy (even when
battered - perfect), they were second only to rolling bowls in terms of
practicality. What made them infnitely more appealing than rolling bowls,
however, was the subtle psychosomatic fact that you could dictate the flow
of your buzz by which album you used for cleaning. For a spaceyhigh:
Farewell to Kings; alienating high: Quadrophenia; spiritual high: Catch
a Fire; bouncy high: anything by Parliament; evil high: anything by
Funkadelic. But kids these days just don't remember. What is to be done?
Keep those old milkcrates strewn about your pad? Neither sightIy, nor
practical What then, is the ideal cleaning tray for the '9Os? Magazines.
Mainstream periodicals are my current flat surface of choice because
they're smooth, slick and available. Not all of them are equally suitable
for twisting up bud, but if you're a magazine junkie like me, you have a
large selection to choose from. With a couple of exceptions, the
publications used in this story are the ones I read Sorry if there's too
much of a pop culture slant - it's my taste, it's my article. The
ratings are based on a few criteria:

o GLOSSINESS (G) How is the surface of the magazine? Does the cheeba
dance the cover well? How is the heft and size of the gazette?

o ROLLING AND RESIDUALS (R) When you're scraping the crumbs of your dope,
does it stick to the cover of the book and break your concentration
while rolling?

o SUBVERSIVENESS (S) Is there any vaguely dangerous thrill about cleaning
pot on this mag?

o MAGAZINE QUA MAGAZINE (M) Should you buy the magazine anyway, despite
the marijuana-positive (or - negative) properties?

1 is the lowest score, 10 is the highest

Paris Review
G-1 The magazine, or should I say "journal," is cardboardy and undersized
R-2 The herb just stuck there, the cover is practically adhesive!
S-3 Not very subversive: This is one of them lefty, intellectual periodicals
M-9 On the other hand, it is also a 40-year-old, respected, diverse and
interesting book (plus my friend and Interview magazine pin-up girl
Elissa Schappell is an editor). Total: 15

National Review
G-3 Not very-reactionaries are never slick
R-5 It'sfairly easy to scrape the crumbs off a cover with lines like
"Vigorously Assisted Suicide - The Meaning of Euthanasia" on it
S-9 Go ahead, gang! Clean your weed on the mouthpiece of the right
wing - it's fun!
M-1 The only reason to pick this up is to get mad and try to laugh in the
face of the conservatives; Bob Mack worked here.
Total: 18

Grand Royal
G-5 Is that recycled paper they're using? Well, it's not glossy enough;
R-5 Some particles left over and seeing Ricky Powell's name on the cover
really threw me off
S-2 Not very subversive. Of course you'd clean on GR
M-8 Really fun. Bruce Lee, the Gap conspiracy piece and Buttafucco
fashions were fabulous, but why the almost two-year gap between issues?
Oh, wait, the answer's right here in front of me.
Total: 20

High Times
G-8 Fuck glossiness, the cover art is ideal
R-7 The only problem is you can't tell if they're your crumbs or the
cover art
S-0 This is, I suppose, conceptually the least subversive and best mag to
roll on - Irie, mon
M-7 If you're into cultivation, paranoid news, weird ads for paraphernalia
and the best-looking buds you generally can't find - even if you did
have the money - this rag is for you.
Total: 22

G-7 Slick
R-7 Pretty clean
S-5 This sometimes quirky, mainstream movie mag only feels gently
seditious; cleaning ganja on Drew's face, however, is poignant
M-6 Is slightly more fearless and insidery than Premiere and the
blind-gossip items section rocks (if you can figure out who it's about).
Total: 25

G4 Not that sleek, but with those bright colors it's easy to see the pot
on the cover
R-3 Not great - in fact practically sticky
S-10 Subversive to the point of guilt - this is a kids' magazine, after all
M-8 It's a really festive publication, and not just because lots of friends
work there (one of whom who doesn't toke helped with the idea for this
piece after I complained that Nick wasn't a great surface to clean on).
Total: 25

Vanity Fair
G-8 Glossy and nice weight, but those goddamn perfume inserts stink up
your skunk
R-7 More than satisfactory, but unexpected appearances by Donald Trump on
the cover are disconcerting
S-3 The subjects of the magazine are more depraved than us
M-8 Who can resist a high-minded tabloid? Also, I have friends who are
editors there (and they don't smoke pot).
Total: 26

G-8 A strange but eminently usable surface
R-8 Very good
S-3 Hardly registers as subversive - the digit-heads who read this are as
likely to spark up as you
M-9 This is one of my favorite publications overall - it has a really cool
layout and stories about the only significant arena of change in society
in the past 20 years:technology and computers.
Total: 28

Bon Appetit
G-9 It's so glossy, it's almost slippery
R-8 Virtually nothing left and the cover model tarts still look delicious
S-9 Put it this way: The ladies who buy this for the recipes probably
aren't reading Grand Royal right now
M-8 A stoners' dream! Indulge in a little masochistic visual masturbation
after getting high by looking at all those photos of gorgeous food.
Plus, Sherry Leight and Siobhan Burns were responsible for putting
this issue of Grand Royal to bed.
Total: 33

In strict points, Bon Appetit is the superior magazine on which to clean
and roll your "chronic" (or as we used to say, "13"). But don't hesitate
to go out and try this comparison with your own favorite magazines.