Drew
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>This is a chain letter that shows you the 4, count them, 4 basic types of
>chain letters.
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>Chain Letter Type 1:
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>Make a wish!!!
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>Really, go on and make one!!!
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>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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>wish something else!!!
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>Not that, you pervert!!
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>Is your finger getting tired yet?
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>STOP, DAMMIT!!!!
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>Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
>guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to a
>certain number of people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad
>goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true!
>Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one
>is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes.
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>Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
>them a stupid chain letter.
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>Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending
>them a stupid chain letter.
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>5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
>stupid chain letter.
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>10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a
>stupid chain letter.
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>20 to 674,951 1/2 people: 20 to 674,951 1/2 people will be pissed off at
>you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
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>Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
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>Chain Letter Type 2
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>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving
>little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents,
>and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every
>time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
>Legless Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
>Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit.
>So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh,
>and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will
>die instantly. Thanks again!!
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>Adaptation: Type 2a
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>See above, but it is the poor little boy also has cancer and it was his
>last dying wish to see the world unite through an e-mail....
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>Chain Letter Type 3
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>Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
>absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
>many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it
>works. Pass this on to 1-5067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
>horrible will happen to you like:
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>Queer Horror Story #1:
>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently
>received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
>sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
>shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
>she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
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>Queer Horror Story #2:
>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored
>it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,
>some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They
>continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable
>kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you
>could end up like Pensley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of
>your loser friends, and everything will be OK.
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>Chain Letter Type 4:
>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
>friends.
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>Friends:
>A friend is someone who is always at your side
>A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly
>A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself
>A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
>loser life
>A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
>should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs
>A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the
>check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no, sorry that's the
>cleaning lady
>A friend is not someone who sends you shitty chain letters because he wants
>his wish of his crush sucking his schlong him to come true.
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>Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will screw you in your sleep!!
>There! Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
>letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity,
>send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
>otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't
>care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it.
>Thanks!
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>Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
>If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people
>feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or
>nervous, (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of shit) just
>delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and
>say....
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>"FU*K CHAIN LETTERS!!"
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