For Musicians Only

biscuit
Sat, 17 Jan 1998 11:23:11 -0800


I don't generally sent out e-humor, but this is probably the funniest
thing I've read in my entire life. It's taken from the Steely Dan
website at http://www.steelydan.com.

EXPRESSIONS TO AVOID
During A Recording Session

--------------------------------------

1. Ready, Freddie (pronounced red-eye fred-eye)
2. Bingo, gringo
3. Uno, Bruno
4. The phones sound O.K. but I need more of myself
5. We won't need a click
6. I like what you're trying to do but not the way you're doing it
7. An excellent first attempt
8. Was that the sound you had on the demo?
9. Make the click louder
10. That was a pretty good take for this time of night
11. If you want the tempo any brighter than that, we better wait for a
sunny day
12. No dynamics? We're playing as loud as we can
13. I think thats a pretty good sounding take for what were getting
paid..
14. That was great lets do it again
15. Is that about as tight as you boys want to get it?
16. Is it possible the click is speeding up?
17. I'm at the point where I'm making dumb mistakes - before I was
making
much smarter mistakes
18. So many drummers, so little time
19. Why don't we do the double first and the lead will be easier to get
once we've got the double
20. I never had this problem when I was being produced by Lenny and
Russ
21. We got some things, we need some things
22. Fabulous
23. Punch in at the section
24. You can't make ice cream out of shit
25. You can't polish a turd
26. Just let your spirit soar
27. My spirit's already sore from the last thirty takes...
28. Close
29. Less is more
30. Less is Paul
31. Less is Brown
32. Less is less
33. That's the way I've been playing it all along
34. I just wish I could get a whole band that sounds as good as I do
35. This will be a great opportunity for me to show off my chop
36. Let's hear the bass, if you can call it that
37. Play something Paul would tell Linda to play
38. Does your amp have an underdrive channel
39. You can erase that one, I remember exactly what I played
40. We'll catch that in the mix
41. You guys can fix that in Soundtools, right?
42. I brought my kid along, he's never been in a recording studio
before
43. My girlfriend sings great background vocals
44. I know a great drummer
45. You guys want to try some heroin?
46. Your girlfriend's been in the bathroom a long time
47. Please, man, stay away from my faxes, okay?
48. I'm not going to be any more dishonest with you than I am with
Donald
49. I'd like a little more of a live feeling on this tune.
50. I also play eleven other instruments
51. Sorry I'm late, I just got through with my blood test (or CAT scan)
52. That vocal's not a keeper is it?
53. That's how I wrote it but that's not how I like to play it
54. I can't think of any improvements that won't make it worse
55. That ground loop is a trademark thing for me
56. That's the new old comp from today - I want to hear the new old
comp
from last Tuesday
57. That reverb would sound a lot better if it were coming out of a
piece
of MY GEAR
58. How bout we get rid of these 3M machines and get ourselves a frozen
yogurt machine
59. Roz Shrank on line one for you
60. Skunk called, he's on his way down
61. The frozen yogurt machine is broken
62. When was the last time we worked together? Tonight.